You may have heard the saying “simple awareness is curative”. It means that just by becoming more self-aware, you are likely to change. If you change, you are likely to create change around you – which includes change within your relationships.

Clients often come to me in the hope that I will be able to suggest ways they can change the behaviour of someone else (their partner, their boss or their parent for instance). They are often surprised when I tell them change starts with the person in the mirror.

Change begins with simple self-awareness ie, noticing what is going on within us (our thoughts, feelings and emotions), personal development in understanding our beliefs, checking our assumptions and observing how they influence what we choose to do.

With this awareness, we can then make more conscious choices about how we behave and thus we can have a more positive impact on our relationships.

Here are four personal development steps towards improving your self-awareness and making real changes in your relationships.

1. Notice your feelings and ask yourself what thoughts are creating those feelings. Are you 100% sure your thoughts are accurate or might you have made some assumptions or judgements?
2. Notice whether you are in charge of your emotions or they are in charge of you. Ask yourself what your emotions might be signalling to you and how you are creating them. What beliefs might be fuelling your emotions?
3. Observe how you are listening. When you converse with someone are you truly listening or are you distracted by your attachment to your own view whilst also formulating your next point? Trying managing your distracting inner voice so you can listen more deeply.
4. Ask yourself whether you are sharing the real you or wearing a mask in order to hide yourself. Try expressing how important something feels to you, rather than defending your point of view.

At the very least, if you take these four steps you will improve your self awareness.  You are also likely to improve your relationship with yourself and those around you.

Notice the impact you have, it might be greater than you think.

If you would like to read more Relationship Advice articles, you can find further reading in my Relationship Advice section. Alternatively, if you’d like to book an appointment to discuss building your relationship further, or dealing with a Relationship in Crisis please call me on 0800 612 8415, or contact me here.